When we think about internet safety, we usually think about keeping our children safe from predators. We should also be thinking about ourselves as well. I am not just talking about identity theft. I have always been amazed by the amount of information we are willing to give to total strangers online. I’ll give you an example, look at the website myspace.com the information people put on this sight is unbelievable. A surprising number of adults put every detail of their lives on that site. Men and women give information about their jobs, amount of income, age, marital status, number of children, location of their home, the list goes on and on.
We as adults need to understand that there are predators out there looking for adult victims as well. A few years ago, a man in his mid 30s was contacted by a person online that claimed she was an attractive 28 year old, looking for new friends. He was sent pictures through email and spent a lot of time talking to her online. She gave him her telephone number, and had several conversations with him. After a few weeks she offered to come to his home for a romantic evening. This unsuspecting man was robbed by this woman (actual age was 38 and looked nothing like the picture he was sent) and two men. During his conversation with her, she was able to learn how much money he made, where he kept his valuables, and if he had any guns in the house. This poor guy was looking forward to spending a romantic night with a beautiful woman and ended up spending the night in the hospital talking to police.
Just because we are not children, does not mean we cannot be victims of online predators.
Some of these people are very good at getting information out of intended victims. Seemingly innocent conversations about relatively unimportant things such as music, movies, vacation spots, childhood friends, and other topics can give a skilled predator a wealth of information. For obvious reasons, I will not reveal how this tactic works, the last thing I am willing to do is give a would-be predator another tool to use against you.
Some important safety tips to keep in mind.
- If you use an online dating site, please use one that has security options available to all members.
- Never give personal or financial information online to potential dates.
If you agree to meet with someone in person for the first time, do so in a public place. - Check your computer frequently for spyware.
- Never discuss your home security system with anyone online.
- If you feel like you are being pushed for information by someone you have met online, terminate the relationship.
- Never assume that YOU are too smart to be a victim.
Provided by Tad A. Camp
www.tadcampinvestigations.com
Dating Tips by Dr. Susan Campbell:
10 Truths in Dating
1. Experiencing what is.
Distinguish between what you actually experience (see, hear, sense, feel, notice, remember) versus what you imagine (interpret, believe, assume) to be true. The statement “I see you looking at the floor’ is your own experience. The statement ‘I see you are uncomfortable’ is an interpretation. If you get caught up in believing your interpretations about another person’s behavior, you’ll be responding to your interpretation of what she did instead of what she actually did.
2. Being transparent.
To be transparent is to be willing to be seen, warts and all. Contrary to what we may think, most people become more appealing when they reveal their needs and insecurities. This doesn’t mean presenting the story of your wounds and misfortunes in vivid detail. It’s more a matter of practicing being open about your feelings, impressions, wants, and self-talk about your interaction with the person in front of you.
3. Noticing your intent.
Do you communicate to relate or to control? When your intent is to relate, you are most interested in revealing your true feelings, learning how the other feels, and connecting heart-to-heart. When your intent is to control, you are most interested in getting things to turn out a certain way – avoiding conflict, getting the person to like you, being seen as knowledgeable or helpful, etc.
4. Giving and asking for feedback.
Giving feedback is the act of verbally letting the other know how his actions affected you. Being open to receiving feedback means you are curious about and willing to hear how your actions affect other people. Most people don’t get very much valid feedback in their daily lives, and they long for it.
5. Asserting what you want and don’t want.
Many of us are afraid to ask for what we want in a relationship for fear or either not getting it or of having the other person give it to them out of obligation. Asking for what you want is an act of trust. You are taking a step into the unknown – not knowing how the other person will respond.
6. Taking back projections.
If some aspect of my own personality is unconscious or suppressed, I may find that I have a pattern of being attracted to men who exhibit this quality in spades. Have you ever been attracted to someone for some wonderfully appealing quality only to discover a few months down the road that this very same quality turned you off? That’s a great opportunity to take back or rediscover your own hidden qualities.
7. Revising an earlier statement.
This means giving yourself permission to revisit a particular interaction or moment in time if your feelings change or if you later connect to some deeper feelings or afterthoughts. For instance: “After I said such and such, I later realized there was more to it than that. What I now feel is ________.”
8. Holding differences or embracing multiple perspectives.
Many people fear intimacy because we fear losing ourselves in a relationship. If you know how to practice holding differences, you won’t need to fear losing yourself. This is the capacity to listen to and empathize with opinions that differ from yours without losing touch with your own perspective.
9. Sharing mixed emotions.
Sometimes we want to tell someone the truth but at the same time we are concerned about their feelings. A desire to clear the air might be accompanied by a fear of being misunderstood. If you do have mixed feelings, expressing both feelings can add depth to your communication.
10. Embracing Silence.
Authentic communication depends as much on silence as it does on words – the silences between your words and the silence you have spoken as you await the other’s response. Embracing silence encourages understanding that there are many things that cannot be known all at once or once and for all. These things emerge gradually as we get to know the other person.
10 Sexual Myths
Ten Common Myths about Sex and Intimacy
(For a full discussion, see Chapter 14 of Truth in Dating)
- You shouldn’t make him wait too long before having sex.
- Men are from one planet, women are from another.
- Regular, satisfying sex is good for you.
- You shouldn’t keep initiating sex if the other never initiates it.
- If you’re not attracted at first, you never will be.
- If sex isn’t great at first, it never will be.
- If sex is great at the start, it’ll stay great.
- You can predict how it will go by how it begins.
- Being truthful about former lovers will ruin the romantic feelings.
- Having sex means having intercourse.
Excerpted From:
Truth in Dating: Finding Love by Getting Real by Susan M. Campbell, Ph.D.
www.susancampbell.com
