The Best Proposal Ever
Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you HSN for sharing this video. What a perfect Valentine’s Day gift. Try keeping a dry eye while watching this unique wedding proposal on live TV. Congratulations Kristin and Mike!
What Do Men and Women Want
The other day I was surfing the internet to learn more about what men and women want in their relationships. I wasn’t surprised when I found myself reading about why women want to change their men, but when I tried to find out more about why men want to change their women I hit a brick wall. Now this was a surprise. Is it because guys just don’t talk about that stuff, or do they even care? Are women really control freaks? According to “What Men Want in a Relationship”, written by Rinatta Peris, “men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great partner and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.” I then realized I had the perfect topic for my next article, “What Do Men and Women Want”. Basically, how to find a real-life partner rather than an idealistic version of one, thus avoid wanting to change them.
Since most online dating sites provide areas for you to tell a little about yourself; as well as, offer tools such as personality tests, they seem to be the logical choice for finding your ideal mate. They are the perfect resource to find what you want if used correctly. The best way to begin is to self-search before jumping into a relationship.
With that in mind, before creating your online dating profile, follow these simple steps:
- Make a list of how you like to spend your time including activities you enjoy doing alone. This helps to attract someone who likes doing similar things. As an added benefit, it will help you both avoid planning dates that are stressful and boring. You will have fun while learning more about each other.
- Read “Writing Your Dating Profile with a Smile”, by yours truly. Learn online dating tips from Yvonne Rice, a former Dating Agency Director and expert in the research of all aspects of the single lifestyle. She is a huge supporter of online dating and has researched 4,500+ online singles and over 6,000 online dating sites globally.
- Say cheese! Take your profile picture and make sure it shows who you really are. Of course you don’t want to include a picture of you in your scrubs, or the ever popular picture of you in a mirror shirtless pointing in the direction of the beach to show off those knock-out biceps. It’s important to look your personal best and although it’s fine to get advice from a family member or friend, make sure you’re comfortable with how you look. Confidence is something that makes us feel good about ourselves and is very attractive.
- Before taking the personality or compatibility test on the dating site, try taking the “Jung Typology Test”. It’s a short personality test that will help you learn about yourself without the distraction of trying to attract someone else. For example, after taking the test myself, I found out how important humor is in my life. I would make sure that was something I would include on my dating profile. Additionally, you will learn what career path is recommended for you and for some added fun; you’ll learn what celebrities and other famous people are just like you!
Since whatever you do early on sets the tone for the rest of the relationship, be honest with yourself now and look for the best mate to fit into your real life rather than trying to develop someone in the hopes that they’ll fit into your vision of an ideal mate later.
Here’s to keeping you Safer in the City,
~Jessica
Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship
Based on a true story of emotional abuse.
Rachel just turned 18 when she met Jason. She was fresh out of High School, finally an adult, and preparing to go away to College. Jason was 2 years older than her and worked full-time. He attended a local Community College part-time and was doing well balancing both school and work. He was the total opposite of her last boyfriend. In addition to being tall, dark and handsome, Jason was outgoing, decisive and confident…or so she thought.
Blinded by love, Rachel couldn’t see the reality of the situation. She didn’t think anything was wrong with Jason wanting her to be at his house by the time he came home from work every day, or his telling her what she could and couldn’t wear. She didn’t miss going out with her friends because he needed her and she didn’t want to disappoint him. Although a little creepy, she didn’t even have a problem turning her computer on at night so he can see she was at home sleeping.
Rachel was happy and very close with her family. They went on family vacations at least twice a year together. And even though her friends were always invited to the family parties, holidays were always spent with family. So when everyone began to notice she was becoming unhappy and withdrawn, to the point of hibernating in her room instead of joining them, they started to worry. Instead of seeing Jason as outgoing, decisive and confident, they all saw him as aggressive, controlling and obnoxious. When her family and friends tried to talk to her about it she withdrew from them even more. Rachel was becoming someone they didn’t recognize and although she professed to be happy, she wasn’t. Then the bombshell, Jason expressed reservations about her going to College even though she would only be about an hour away, he didn’t want her to go.
Unfortunately people like Rachel, in unhealthy relationships, suffer constant stress and anxiety, which can compromise their health, erode their self-esteem, make them feel helpless and alone, and undermine the way they function in school and at work. According to The Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness, “Relationship Abuse is defined as a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try to control her/him.”
If you feel the relationship you are in may be abusive, the first thing you need to do is to acknowledge it. Abusive relationships don’t start out that way. They usually start out on a high note, and gradually become abusive. By answering the questions below in the “How Healthy is Your Relationship” quiz courtesy of Linfield College, you may be able to recognize a potentially abusive situation before it gets worse. Talk to your family and friends. Usually they are the first to notice the problem anyway and, like in Rachel’s case, have already voiced their concerns. If you are a student and away at College you can also seek help by going to your University’s counseling center. Most importantly make sure to maintain outside relationships because it’s imperative that you’re not alone. Do not allow anyone to isolate you. We all need a good support system and no one has the right to take that away from you.
If you know of someone in an abusive relationship and you want to help them speak up. Tell them what you see going on because of their relationship and then listen with compassion. Don’t be judgmental or they will tune you right out. Discuss a safety plan if they ever feel they need it. Help them to disconnect and move away from the abuser. Talk to them about healthy intimate relationships. Pick up a few self-help books to read together. By knowing they are not alone, the victim is more likely to view their relationship more realistically and empower them to break away. Finally, suggest they seek professional help so they can learn to make safer choices in the future.
How healthy is Your Relationship?
1. Does this person accept that you have other friends?
(A. Yes B. No)
2. Does this person ask for your opinion about issues that affect you?
(A. Yes B. No)
3. Does this person have good relationships with his or her family and friends?
(A. Yes B. No)
4. Does this person talk AND listen to you?
(A. Yes B. No)
5. Would you consider this person a friend?
(A. Yes B. No)
6. Do you “act like yourself” when you are with this person?
(A. Yes B. No)
7. Does this person have other interests besides you?
(A. Yes B. No)
8. Does this person expect you to say where you have been when you’ve been apart?
(A. No B. Yes)
9. Does this person lose his or her temper easily?
(A. No B. Yes)
10. Does this person get angry or hurt and/or claim that you don’t pay attention to him or her?
(A. No B. Yes)
11. Have you ever seen this person throw, hit or break things when angry?
(A. No B. Yes)
12. Is this person jealous of the time you spend with your friends and relatives?
(A. No B. Yes)
13. Does this person seem to have control issues?
(A. No B. Yes)
Count and total each “A” and “B.” Use the key below to gauge how healthy your relationship is:
13-11 A’s = you seem to have a healthy relationship,
10-8 A’s = your relationship is showing moderate signs of abusiveness,
7-5 A’s = Please seek help, you are very likely in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship.
Related Links:
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799- SAFE
Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman: Wisdom and Hope for Women at Any Stage of Emotional Abuse Recovery
The Golden Years
John and Mary were in their late seventies when they met. Both were widowed after enjoying long and happy marriages. Although Mary lived in an active retirement community in Florida and participated in many of the activities there, she still felt lonely. So she decided to pack her bags and move up to Connecticut to live with her son. She wasn’t looking for a relationship at this stage in her life, however blissfully one found her.
“Excuse me, let me open that soda can for you so you don’t ruin your pretty nails” were the first words he said to her. John, recently widowed, was trying to strike up a conversation with Mary. She was so beautiful and he saw this as the perfect opportunity to introduce himself. Maybe she would invite him to sit with her, he thought. The two were on a bus headed for the Hard Rock Casino, an activity they both enjoyed organized through their retirement community, when they first met. Mary said thank you and politely asked John to sit with her. They soon realized they had a lot in common and sparks began to fly.
I remember the day when my friend told me this story and about how she found out they were intimate. She stopped over her dad’s condo early one morning and when she did not find his car in his own driveway, she decided to drive over to his girlfriend’s condo. When she saw her dad’s car was there she was shocked. It was hard for her to imagine her father as a sexual being, but then what kid can? So you know what I’m thinking…great topic for my next article.
“A lot of people are shocked. They don’t want to think of grandmom or grandpop having any kind of intimacy,” says Terri Ginsberg, DO, fellowship director of geriatrics for the New Jersey Institute for Successful Aging at UMDNJ-SOM.
“People think intimacy is just for the young. But actually, sex is still an important aspect of the quality of your life even as you age. It’s something you can continue to enjoy, and may even enjoy more now that there is more time for foreplay and being intimate with a partner.”
Continuing my research into dating in the golden years I was immediately intrigued by the Weisman center in Florida. They not only hold a weekly speed dating event, but they also offer sex education for seniors. At first I thought – what? Are there that many seniors still sexually active? Shouldn’t they already know about sex anyway? I had a lot of questions. What I learned was, in part due to living longer and Viagra, many seniors today are remaining sexually active well into their 80’s and even 90’s. Alright, now this was my turn to be shocked.
Furthermore according to Dianne Matthew, director of clinical services at the Ruth Rales Jewish Family Service, there was a huge increase in STDs in the senior population. Dianne says: “These people got married at a very young age and most likely only had one or maybe two sexual partners. They came from an era where they weren’t taught about condoms or any sort of protection against STDs. Just because you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean you don’t need to know how to practice safe sex — at any age.” As a result she was asked to teach a class called “Sexy Over Sixty.”
Indeed the times are changing and, like the program in Florida, I think we’ll see more centers launching new public education programs on safe sex for seniors. In the meantime, for those actively dating, make sure to discuss your love life with your doctor so they can give you advice. Get routinely tested and stay active. You’ll be glad you did.
For those seniors not into the bar scene, there are online social groups and numerous senior dating sites. Additionally there are retirement communities, church groups and well meaning relatives and friends, so no senior needs to feel lonely.
By the way, if you’re wondering what ever happened with John and Mary, it’s been four years since Mary unpacked her bags and she and John are very happy enjoying their vacation lifestyle and each other.
Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City,
~ Jessica
Sources: foxnews.com SJ Magazine and my friend.
Independence Celebration
Since we are coming up on the Fourth of July, this article was going to be about sparks, fireworks and how to keep them alive in a relationship. Instead, the more into my research I got, the more Independence became my focus. You will find many articles on how to keep the flame lit in a relationship, but there aren’t enough written about the importance of Independence in a truly strong bond.
Independence is an attribute many people strive for and one that is important to keep in mind within a relationship. It’s something we teach our children at a young age and hope they maintain throughout their lives. In a relationship, independence can be both positive and negative depending on how you balance it with inter-dependence. A healthy combination of the two is necessary in love.
“If you’re “too” independent in relationships, there’s little or no connection–no matter what kind of relationship it is. There may be great love but the other person can feel like something is missing in the relationship and that he/she is being held at arm’s length.
If you’re “too” dependent, the other person can feel smothered and search for every opportunity to have some freedom.” Say Susie and Otto Collins in an article posted on their Love and Relationship Advice Blog.
In this article titled, “Relationship Advice for Dealing with the Independence/Dependence Issue“, Susie and Otto share their ideas on how to balance and honor the need for independence while keeping the connection strong.
So as you watch the sparks fly this Fourth of July, remember, it’s ok to lose yourself in each others’ gaze, as long as you don’t lose yourself in each other. Like anything else awareness and balance are key here. You can maintain a strong relationship while balancing a healthy level of independence as long as you’re aware of it.
Have a Safe and Happy Independence Day!
~Jessica
Single Seniors Seeking-The New Online Trend
What is online dating sites fastest growing demographic? According to Time.com it is the 50-65 age group – the Baby Boomers.
For many seniors it can be hard to go out and meet people. Their social groups are smaller and the thought of going to a night club to hit on other singles just doesn’t sound like fun. They might feel awkward because they haven’t been out on a date in a long time and as a result, they choose to isolate themselves.
Fortunately, entering the dating scene just got a lot easier. One reason is that technology is becoming more fundamental in the lives of seniors today proving that technophobia is no longer a problem. For millions of seniors, a divorce or the loss of a partner at 50 drives them to find a new love, and after all there is no age limit on love. Finding romance or your soul mate is possible at any age.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher, a consultant with Match.com and Chemistry.com, had the following to say in an article written for thirdage.com: “I’ve always felt that online dating would be most popular among people who are 50 to 65. They know everyone in their family and social circles. Where are they going to meet people? They don’t have time to adopt new hobbies that are likely to introduce them to potential partners. And they are long past going to bars. In the old days we had different mechanisms, but those are gone.”
Consequently, many seniors are seeking companions online who share similar interests. They are learning that online dating really doesn’t take a lot of effort and can be done in the comfort and privacy of their own home. They have an advantage over the younger generation because they are more comfortable with who they are and, through their past relationships, they know what they’re looking for in a mate.
While online dating can be very rewarding, it’s important to be cautious. So before posting your profile, make sure to review the steps you can take to increase your online dating safety by reading “Online Dating Safety”, courtesy of ilookbothways.com. Then View Photos of Single Seniors in Your Area Free! Match.com
Tips for a Successful Dating Profile Makeover
Is your online dating profile interesting? Are you attracting the right people?
Since most profiles are boring, and many people complain about attracting the wrong person, I decided it’s the perfect time to put together a reference guide to help get you started on writing your new profile. Then, with a little help from our experts, you’ll learn how to attract that special someone. But before you get started I would like to direct you to 3 articles that will help you gain the perspective needed to help you organize your thoughts.
The first article is called “Write Your Dating Profile with a Smile”. Back in March of 2009 I had the pleasure of interviewing Yvonne Rice. Yvonne is an author; as well as, a consultant to various global law enforcement and government agencies for online safety and Internet scams that are directed at the singles dating, chat room and social networking industries. Amongst other things, I asked Yvonne what are five things that a reader can do right after reading this article to improve their online dating profile?
Yvonne’s response:
- Be honest in what you write about yourself – think of how you would feel if someone lied to you. Keep all personal information including anything about your family, children (if you have them) financial situation or anything else that you wouldn’t tell a stranger you met on the street to yourself– remember everyone online is a stranger until you physically meet them.
- Have a photo of yourself and make sure it is no older than 6 months old – no matter what you think you look like. There is someone out there looking for you – so, how are they supposed to find you if you are hidden? Profiles with photos displayed have 15 times more hits than one’s that don’t. So, go for it! You are looking to find “The One.”
- Make sure the photo of you is against a blank wall and it only has you in it – you don’t want to attract someone who thinks you might be a good target to rip-off. Or lose someone because they think they may come second best to “Fluffy” or the fish you caught.
- Avoid listing all the things you WON”T tolerate – it’s really off-putting. It can come across as you being a control freak, demanding, high-maintenance, loony, just to mention as few – which I’m sure in real life you are not.
- Write or re-write your profile with a smile on your face, think of the possibilities that lay in front of you by being on the site and what your life will look like to you when you find that person for you– you will be amazed at the difference it makes.
Next, I would like to direct you to an article titled “Enhance Your Dating Experience” In April of 2009 I interviewed Bob Nicoll. Bob has a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, a Master’s in Counseling and over thirty years experience studying word choice and articulation. Bob authored Remember the Ice and Other Paradigm Shifts
Bob’s profile:
“Seeking a romantic partner for many moonlit walks, cerebral conversation and more…..”
“Hi, romantic gentleman seeking a companion for a long term relationship. Love spending a weekend at a bed-and-breakfast on the spur of the moment, or taking in a sporting event, or going for a moonlit walk, or an evening snuggled up on the couch and watching a romantic movie…. or dressing up for a wonderful night of dinner and dancing… I know there is a very special lady out there who would like to be cherished and appreciated… Maybe we are playing touch football and end up in each other’s arms…. with that, “you know…. special eye gaze…. the one that leads to an innocent kiss….” or we take a drive to the beach and jump off the sand dunes…. or enjoy the excitement of Vegas….or take in a NASCAR race at Texas Motor Speedway… or enjoy each other’s company in a provocative cerebral conversation…or share our joy of knowing Christ and the wonders of His Grace… My education is in Psychology with a Masters in Counseling. I have an extensive sales background and have owned an ice cream restaurant…. would love to share a banana split with you…. (Can tie the cherry stem in a knot, with no hands…..) I love life and seek to enjoy it with a companion who enjoys a wide range of stuff. Have done fire walks with Tony Robbins and sky dived… love to travel (only need Oregon, Washington and Alaska to finish the 50 states). Would you like to help me finish??? Need to return to Stonehenge and London and Limerick, Ireland…. Can be serious and funny back to back…. am devoted to my partners needs… and love to send flowers just because… you are who you are. Let’s connect and see what we can create in the magical moment category. Am looking to make each day a special memory. Come play with me.
My ideal match loves life and is open to spur of the moment travels, engaging cerebral conversations, dressing up for a romantic candlelight dinner, slow dancing… or making snow angels…. I really am seeking someone who would like to be appreciated for who she is. I desire a partner for special moments and memories to be made. Come play with me, and let’s explore life’s challenges together. When the two of us put our heads together, we can create whatever we want. Maybe it is a joint entrepreneurial endeavor… or finding that great bargain at a flea market. Spiritually we can explore the great wonders of His wonderful world. Will you join me for some everlasting magical moments?”
I don’t know about you, but this profile would have had me at hello.
Finally while researching this topic, I stumbled upon an article written for Cupid’s Pulse titled “Is Your Dating Profile a Movie Trailer or a Cereal Box”, and was immediately intrigued. This article has a clever way of conveying the message that your profile is probably boring and in desperate need of a make-over. The author lists 3 steps for success that I would like to share with you.
Steps for Success:
- Read your current dating profile and mark the boring cereal box phrases. Make notes on how you can beef them up by being more specific.
- Find little snippets of your life that show off your character. Write about those.
- Don’t be afraid to show yourself off. Self-confidence is sexy and will draw in exactly the kind of people that are good matches for you.
In addition I would add the following dating profile steps for success:
- Always remember safety first and never give up information that could be used to steal your identity. Never list your home address or names of family members.
- Write your dating profile with a smile.
- Remove the negative words. Not, Don’t, Can’t, Won’t, Wouldn’t, Couldn’t, Shouldn’t.
Now, put a smile on your face, start writing that profile using empowering word choice and make it a movie trailer. Start your online dating journey today and make sure to share your “tips for a successful online dating profile” by commenting in the section below.
Here’s to keeping you Safer in the City,
~Jessica
Successful Relationships-A New Years Revelation
With 2010 coming to a close and the excitement of 2011 festivities in the air, now is the perfect time to reflect on our relationships. Since we spend more time together during the holidays, why not take this time to really get to know each other.
Of course we all want our partners to love us the way we want to be loved, but how often do we take into consideration how they want to be loved? Isn’t it more fulfilling to be in a relationship with someone who is happy and fulfilled too, and how do you know if the person you just started dating is a possible soul mate early on in the relationship? In researching this topic I came across two articles that will not only help you narrow down your search for Mr. or Mrs. Right, but also find that deeper connection – your perfect soul mate.
The first article titled “Holiday time is couple time”, written by Amanda Ngudle for iol Lifestyle, shares an exercise to help you select your soul mate prospects. According to Stan Bopape, if you want to get serious about your partner, you should try looking at them occasionally with your head and not your heart. I recommend reading this one before allowing your relationship to get too serious. It describes the fundamentals needed to help build a successful relationship.
The second article titled “Finding a Soul Mate”, found on Oprah.com not only describes what a soul mate is, but also offers this detailed soul mate checklist to help you find “The One”:
- Do I find this person attractive, am I drawn to them?
- Is this a good person with a good heart?
- Do I respect this person?
- Does this person love children?
- Does this person have the capacity to put others before him or herself? Can he or she empathize with another person’s plight?
- Is this person charitable? Not just in pocket, but in person? Do they give of themselves to others?
- Is this person nonjudgmental?
- Does this person live for something other than the material and the transitory?
- Is this person humble and not arrogant?
- When he or she hurts you, are they forthcoming with an apology?
So whether you’re looking for a date to share that magical midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve, a partner to have fun and spend time with, or the extraordinary love of a soul mate, make sure to check out these articles to help you improve the quality of your relationships.
Have a Safe and Happy New Year,
~ Jessica
How To Enjoy Dating During The Holidays
Have a Safe and Happy Holiday Season from all of us here at Safer Dates.
The holidays are time to be with the ones you love, have fun with friends, and catch up with those you haven’t seen in a while. So where does your date fit in? How do you continue your new romance, not allow it to get serious too soon, and manage that alone time with family?
Here are a few tips to help you celebrate the season with your date, enhance your romance, and manage to have an enjoyable stress-free holiday:
- Get into the mood by checking out the Christmas lights after helping each other with your holiday shopping.
- Plan an outdoor activity like skiing or ice skating.
- Help each other with your holiday decorations. After decorating your tree maybe you can snuggle up on the couch and watch a Christmas movie together. Who doesn’t enjoy National Lampoon’s Vacation with Chevy Chase?
- Go to holiday parties together.
- Bringing your date to Christmas dinner should be something you do ONLY if you have been dating a while and are both comfortable with it.
Finally, what about the holiday gifts? By giving the gifts of time and attention, you’ll be able to enjoy the holiday season with your family, your friends and your date.
100 First Dates
Below is an excerpt from an article written by Ann Marsh for The Oprah Magazine which we highly recommend reading before your next date. There are many articles written about dating these days that portray rejection, or the end of a relationship, as a bad thing – not necessarily true. Dating is a learning experience for both people and in addition to learning more about yourself, sometimes you learn it’s better to just move on.
“To get started, I posted an ad on an online dating site. I asked a girlfriend to take a picture of me bathed in late afternoon sunlight and wore the most glamorous smile I could muster. I stated that I wanted a man who somehow manages to strike that tricky balance of being both dependable and spontaneous. Or who can happily tolerate both of these aspects in me.
I got a lot of responses right off the bat. Some were ludicrous, like the 50-something guy in a Hawaiian shirt who offered to fly me to Vegas for the weekend. I deleted far more than I answered. But Week One still found me on dates with 14 men at local coffee shops. In Week Two, I slowed down to seven. I shook hands with a Danish architect and an hour later zoomed across town to meet a swoony soap opera actor. The next day was tea with an airfreight handler, followed that evening by a walk with a real estate lawyer. I dated aerospace engineers, entrepreneurs, doctors, an oceanographer, film animators, a romantic man who lived impecuniously on a boat, and a self-proclaimed gazillionaire who resided atop a mountain.”
To continue reading the full article and to see who eventually won her heart check out on Oprah.com.
