The 10 Worst Ways to Break Up With Someone
10. ON VACATION: Who would you most likely want to be stuck on a deserted island with? Not someone who’s just told you “it’s not working out,” we’re quite sure. Not only have you now wasted your time and money, but you can’t leave the situation easily without added plane fares and stress. If this happens to you, break away and turn your trip into a rejuvenating self-improvement retreat…you’ll need it.
9. IN A TEXT MESSAGE: Ah, the text. The modern-day version of the Post-It. Too wussy to do it in person? Text away, wuss.
8. ON FACEBOOK: Nothing like logging on to find your loved one tagged in a compromising photo with a complete stranger…to you, at least. Why this is called the “World Wide Web” and some people can’t figure out how they got busted is beyond us. Besides, it’s way too trendy these days – be original, people!
7. AROUND THE FAMILY: Don’t make it a family affair – you’ll seriously regret it. Whether at a sibling’s wedding (see #6), a family vacation (see #10), or meeting the family for the first time (really!?), this one is clearly ridden with minefields that will lead to nothing but trouble. If this happens to you, at least you’ve got your “people” nearby to protect you, support you, and promptly kick your brand-new-ex to the curb.
6. AT A WEDDING: The wedding. The defining moment for any couple. The pinnacle of celebrating relationships and love. The day they’ll remember as the best day of their lives. Forever. Guess the pressure got to you, huh?
5. AT YOUR “SPECIAL PLACE”: That restaurant where we had our first date…the bar where you told me you loved me…the bench in the park where we’d sit every Sunday… Why on earth would anyone think this is a good idea? Let the special place stay special. Just like there are other fish in the sea, there are other places in the whole world. If they can’t find another place, you should definitely find another fish.
4. IN BED: Come again? Talk about ruining the mood. At least wait until you’re clothed. This one is so embarrassing that we’re having visions of the recurring dream where you’re on stage in front of everyone you know in nothing but your underwear. Except you’re not even wearing underwear.
3. ON VALENTINE’S DAY: There are 365 days in the year, and ONE dedicated to celebrating love. It’s not like you can’t claim you didn’t “know” it was Valentine’s Day – the stores, the ads, the cards have been in your face for weeks. Pick another day. It’s that simple. Don’t ruin this day forever for someone, unless you’re really in need of some bad karma. (New Year’s Eve and Birthdays received honorable mentions.)
2. BY DOING NOTHING: It was tough not giving this the Number 1 honor, and we’re still not sure. Being forced to figure something out by yourself is sometimes the hardest and most humiliating thing of all. Coming home to find your love gone, with no note, no calls, no anything may just be the worst way to handle a breakup. It is definitely the WIMPIEST. Just remember that. You do this, you are weak.
1. BY CHEATING: Sadly, this is the most common response we received – and the stories ran the gamut, from the one-night-stand, to the ongoing affair, to the ongoing affair that you only found out about via “the new person,” to the unspeakable announcement that your boyfriend or girlfriend is engaged to someone else (WHAT?!?). To these we simply say, come ON. Just break it off before you cheat. You won’t hurt our feelings, we promise.
The bottom line to all of this? If this happened to you, we can 100% guarantee that you are better off without this person in your life. If THIS is the way they think is appropriate to end a relationship, imagine how they would handle life’s other challenges. Not well, we’re guessing. Time for you to bounce back and move forward to someone who deserves you and your love.
Source: shine.yahoo.com
Take a Spring Break from Stressful Relationships
By Safer Dates
How is online dating like spring break? It’s simple really, spring breakers head to a specific location with the hopes of meeting lots of other singles that also share their interests and ideas of what fun is all about. They zig zag through the crowds mingling with strangers from all across the nation while absorbing the intoxication that comes with meeting someone new and uncharted. While this is the extreme, it isn’t much different than a dating website where singles come together in one location to meet other singles.
For me, spring break conjures up memories – some more faint than others – of “love” that unfortunately fads faster than your tan. But where would we be without those amazing, fuzzy, temporary escapes from reality! We all should peer through nostalgia’s kaleidoscope now and again if only to remember that meeting someone new was thrilling, exciting and came to us naturally when we forced ourselves to take a break.
Spring breakers and online daters both want to adhere to these simple precautions. After all, safety first:
- Always meet first in a public place
- Let friends or family know who you’re with and where you’ll be
- Take your cell phone with you and call a friend or family member when you get home
- Don’t drink too much; you want to remember this experience
- Don’t give out personal information; you may not want to schedule a second date
Spring breakers also have one thing on their minds – and no it’s not what you’re thinking – it’s having fun of course! Online dating should be approached the same way:
- Treat and pamper yourself before the first date. You’ll have fun and it will boost self-confidence.
- Definitely plan to do something you both enjoy. That way the pressure is off and you won’t feel like it’s an interview.
- Absorb yourself in the moment. Don’t worry about planning your future. Have fun dating. As cliché as it sounds – it’s all about the journey, not the destination.
- Enjoy meeting new people, become friends first and then see what happens.
In addition to learning about them, you can learn a lot about yourself by listening and spending time with someone else, even if you don’t go out with them again.
Stay tuned and remember to take a spring break from stressful relationships and have fun!
5 Traits in a Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers
By Lori Gottlieb
The author of a provocative new book reveals why you’re wrong about Mr. Right.
A couple of years ago, I wrote a magazine article called “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” In it, I confessed that, having found myself still single at 40, I’d come to an eye-opening realization: Had I known when I was younger what would make me happy in a fulfilling marriage, I would have made very different choices in my dating life. It was a hyperbolic essay with a serious message: Look for the important qualities in a partner, and let go of the stuff that won’t matter five, ten or 20 years down the line.
I’ve never believed that we should stop looking for Mr. Right (we shouldn’t!) – but I do think that by changing our rigid idea of who Mr. Right is, we’re more likely to find the right Mr. Right. You can’t just order up the perfect husband á la carte – I’ll take a little of this, a little of that, less of this and more of that. A guy is a package deal, as are we. Recognizing that isn’t settling. It’s maturity. The key is to focus on the qualities that lead to long-term romantic happiness.
In my new book, I asked experts, including marital researchers, sociologists, neurobiologists, couple therapists, behavioral economists, matchmakers, clergy and even our mothers (God help us!) how to tell the difference between smart compromises (which lead to happiness) and settling (which doesn’t). The answer is complex — and different for everyone. But here are five basic things I learned I should cut a guy some slack on before I assume he’s not The One:
1. His height. Let me say upfront that I’m 5’2″. With one-inch heels. And yet I always preferred to date guys who were taller than 5’9″ (and so I could kiss them while barefoot, shorter than 6’0″). But one expert explained how limiting this was: “Let’s say there’s a 50 percent chance you could be with a guy who’s 5’9″. That’s a height you like, but it could go either way depending on what else he brings to the table. There’s probably a five percent chance you could be with somebody who’s 5’4″ – but there’s a chance. Maybe if you spent an hour with Danny DeVito or Robert Reich, all of a sudden you would say, “You know what? This is somebody I could actually spend my life with” – even though the height is never going to be ideal. On the other hand, take somebody who’s unkind. There’s a 100 percent chance you won’t want to be with him. So I’m saying, what are the real irreducibles as opposed to the unlikelies?”
2. His Match.com profile. A Northwestern researcher who studies online dating (yes, there are scientists who make a living doing this) told me that I shouldn’t get too specific about my search parameters in online dating because in his research, he found that “there was a lack of correlation between what people said they wanted on a questionnaire, and what they actually pick when they meet a real, live person.” Moreover, he added, don’t rule out a guy because you think you know what it means that he misspelled a word or likes Madonna. You have no idea who this person is until you meet him. An online profile, he said, “is like reading the ingredients on a box of food and trying to imagine what it would taste like.”
3. His occupation. Yes, alpha males are sexy and charming. But they aren’t always the best partners for me, especially if they travel for work all the time, need to be the center of attention and don’t have the same ideas about how to run a household that I do. As a dating coach explained to me, many women are attracted to super-ambitious and charismatic guys who are leaders — but it’s hard to find a person who has that kind of personality and also makes time for you and is able to put you first when it counts. Now Joe, the cute elementary school teacher, on the other hand … you get my point.
4. His age. The thing about being picky is you have to know what to be picky about. Apparently, I wasn’t picky enough on the things that matter (shared values, reliability, “getting each other”) and was too picky on the things that don’t (his age). While I wouldn’t want anyone to mistake my husband for my father, it’s foolish to decline a set-up with a guy just because he’s got less hair and more wrinkles than I do. This might sound beyond obvious, but many women end up dating guys with a chemistry of “9″ and a compatibility of “5.” The happiest couples, though, have both a chemistry and compatibility of “7.” Would I be more naturally attracted to a guy who’s my age? Yep. Would it matter that much in the scheme of things if he was 12 years older but still handsome? Probably not. Am I going to be more wrinkled one day and thrilled to be with a man who finds me attractive anyway? You bet.
5. How he compares to “my type.” One expert told me that when she first met her husband, she had no interest in him at all. He wasn’t her type. He didn’t fit her image of the kind of guy she imagined herself with. She was Ivy League-educated, and he was a potter. At first there were no sparks. Nada. But the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. And then the sparks flew. They’ve been married for 20 years. “In America,” she explained, “when a potter makes a pot, they put a glaze on it and put it in the kiln and know exactly what it’s supposed to look like when it comes out. But when the Japanese make a pot, they put it in a wood-fire kiln that could be any temperature, and when they take the pot out, it’s not always exactly like they thought it was supposed to look like. And they say, ‘Oh, wow, this is what the fire did to the pot and it’s gorgeous!’ They believe there’s no beauty in perfection. So instead of knowing what the person sitting across from you is supposed to be like, the question you have to ask is, ‘Do I like it?’ instead of ‘How does it compare to what I thought I wanted?’ People can surprise you.”
Indeed. I ended up falling hard for a 5’6″, balding, bow-tie-wearing guy I almost didn’t e-mail on Match.com. He wasn’t who I had in mind, but he was who I wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most.
Source: wowowow.com
5 Tips For Office Romance
By: GateHouse News Service
Tip of the Week
Valentine’s Day is coming, and that means there might be romance in the air at your workplace. Here are five tips from business etiquette expert Barbara Pachter, author of the book “NewRules@Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead,” to help you and your significant other share a copier by day and a bedroom by night without hurting your professional image:
1. Do not broadcast your relationship on any social media sites. Keep the relationship private. Your co-workers do not need to know the intimate details of your romance. No posting information or photos about your latest love interest on Facebook or sending tweets about it. You never know who will see them.
2. No giant billboards in Times Square! If the relationship fails, be professional and adult about it. A recent billboard in New York publicly announced the affair between Charles Phillips, co-president of Oracle Corporation, and his mistress. Even if you have been jilted and the relationship ends badly, you cannot vent your negative feelings in public. This is the risk of office relationships. They sometimes don’t work out and then you have to continue to see or work with the person.
3. No physical contact in the office. No romantic displays. No secret kissing, caressing, hand holding or sex in the office. This also includes your behavior at office parties.
4. Don’t e-mail X-rated Valentine’s Day cards. E-mail is not private. Do not mail an unsigned Valentine’s Day card to a co-worker. Being a secret admirer is not a corporate concept.
5. Your boss shouldn’t be your valentine. Relationships are tricky enough without your boss or subordinate being your valentine. If you are dating your boss, have your reporting relationship changed.
Source: McPhersonSentinel.com
The Silent Ways He Says “I Love You”
Some brave guy friends broke the male code of silence. If he does any of the following, he’s pretty much saying, you know, that phrase.
1. You catch him staring at your eyes.
The eyes are more than just windows to a man’s soul, they can also be a tattletale to what’s welling in his heart. Men always ogle the objects they desire — it’s the reason you’re always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it’s you he’s staring at, his affection runs deep. There are two types of I-love-you looks. There’s the secret stare (you’ll have to catch him in the act). “Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life — a perspective I can’t get when she’s right there in front of me,” says Patrick, 30.
Then there’s the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they’re lowering their shield to let you in. “I’d never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her,” says Chip, 29.
2. He stocks his kitchen with stuff you like.
Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with biscotti, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you’re lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places — like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. “One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of baby carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend,” says Patrick. “It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that’s when I knew I was in love.”
Furthermore, stocking up means he’s gone public with your place in his pad. You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in our home that there’s a woman present in our life is a bright red flag that you’re The One.
3. He talks about where he wants to live in three years.
Telling you he plans to relocate out West one day may seem like a neon warning not to get any long-term ideas because your man’s getting set to leave you in the dust. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. “Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see ‘me’ down the road, I’m really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me,” says Jon, 26. So how do you know when a guy’s just bragging about his grand game plan and when he’s quietly declaring his love? It’s all in the way he talks. If he tells you he wants to move to Tahiti, be a beach bum, and ogle the local girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling in San Francisco, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he’s emitting serious long-term relationship rays.
4. He wears the sweater you gave him all the time.
Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it’s just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. “Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it’s for the better, is considered a sign of weakness,” explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn’t pick out for himself, he’s showing that he’s letting you take control and do a little remodeling. It’s a bold statement, one that guarantees he’ll encounter a certain amount of abuse from his peers. Translation: He’s willing to endure his pals’ ridicule to make you happy.
5. He stands right next to you in public.
Where he stands when you’re out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Call us dogs for it, but guys are hard-wired to check out women. “It’s second nature for men to scan every room they enter for possible trade-ups if he’s still in the market for Ms. Perfect,” says Robert, 31. That’s why when a man’s still uncertain about his feelings, he’ll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path — two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. “But if he’s in love, he’ll squelch this most basic male instinct,” says Chad, 28. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. “Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips’ reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss,” says Ryan, 27. “It’s my way of telling other women that I’m taken.”
6. He doesn’t flinch if you pick up his phone.
Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on the other end of their phone line — from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there’s absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. “Men aren’t big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone — possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life — it means he’s planning on staying with you for a very long time,” says Rich, 29.
But more than just sharing his secrets, a guy handing you the rights to his receiver is essentially the same as giving you the key to his kingdom. “A guy’s phone is the last thing left in a relationship that’s truly his own,” says Jeremy, 26. “Giving up that remaining piece of autonomy is something I only do with someone I love.”
Find Out if He’s Falling for You: Little tip-offs that the guy you’re dating is getting in deep:
* He arrives at the restaurant for your dinner dates before you do.
* He remembers the names of your friends (and not just the pretty ones).
* He does things with you during prime sports time (weekend afternoons from 1 to 7).
* He asks about your family.
* He tells you the secret that his best friend told him never to tell anyone.
* He picks you up from the airport … during rush hour.
Source: lifestyle.msn.com
Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace gives us online dating humor – and horrors
By Rinsky
Thinking back to our high school English teachers, we may wonder what the heck they would know about online dating. Or dating at all, for that matter.
But Dianne Sweeney, a Marana native who now teaches high school English in California, has learned enough about the online dating scene to write a whole book about it.
Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace chronicles some of her humorous – and downright disastrous – online dating experiences. Sweeney was sweet enough to give us some of her insider knowledge.
Like the best way to go about online dating.
“You have to be yourself,” she said. “Do not lie about your weight, age, height. Be yourself.”
She also cautions not to take others at face value.
“Do NOT give people your personal address until you have met them a couple of times,” she warned in an e-mail. “Everybody is on his/her best behavior the first couple of dates. However, it won’t take long for their true colors to show if they are hiding anything.”
One guy who showed up 30 minutes late after Sweeney took a 45-minute drive to meet him, might have been better off hiding the truth.
“He apologized profusely and I asked what happened,” Sweeney said. “He said his mom wouldn’t let him out of the house until he walked his dog. He was 41 years old. The date went downhill from there.”
She did find a keeper through her online experiences. “He was sweet, funny, and enjoyed life,” she said. “He was very respectful.”
Unfortunately, his job didn’t keep him local and their relationship did not survive being a long distance romance.
“Don’t get frustrated,” is advice she both gives and follows. “Try a few different sites, and just have fun and laugh.”
Sweeney started online dating since she’s a busy woman. In addition to teaching English, she makes time for biking, reading and enjoying time with her favorite cat Scout.
“I thought (online dating) might be one way to find a Harry for my Sally,” she said. “I am still waiting.”
But she’s not giving up.
“Don’t get discouraged,” she repeats. “Dating is hell, and we are all out there.”
Source: tucsoncitizen.com
Here’s to a New Year filled with Passion, Power and Purpose!
Interview With Ken Donaldson By Jessica Walker
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and have started off the New Year on the right track. If you’re struggling to find goals to focus on this year then let me introduce you to a friend that can help. Last Tuesday night I interviewed a fantastic expert through our Blog Talk Radio Show that could help you get back on track both personally and professionally.
I encourage you all to listen to our latest broadcast, just a click away at the top of the blog, to hear some extremely useful information discussed with Ken Donaldson a professional Life Coach and Relationship Expert. Then be sure to pick up a copy of Ken’s book, “Marry Yourself First“, to help you develop healthy relationships, inspiring careers and an overall passionate life.
I’ve asked Ken to elaborate more on one of the concepts from his book that was discussed on our show.
Here is what Ken Donaldson has to say:
Avoid Relationship Issues with Conscious Deal Makers and Deal Breakers
What do you “have to have” in your relationships? Yes, those absolute, non-negotiable essentials you must have in order for a relationship to even have a possibility of working for you? What are they? The good news is that when you settle for nothing less than these essentials, you’ll find your core relational needs are met. The problem, however, is that too many times in our current culture, people have become used to settling for less.
This outcome, as I see it, goes back to the fact that most people don’t know what they really want in a relationship. Yes, they may have a vague or general idea, but they don’t take the time to really get both clear and specific. The flipside is that when you know what you definitely want, and aren’t willing to accept anything less, then you’re far more likely to find a relationship that will be both lasting and fulfilling.
What I’m referring to here are your deal-makers and deal-breakers. Let’s look more closely…
Your deal-makers are the non-negotiable essentials and components in your life – THE requirements you have to have. Think about what it is that you must have in all areas of your life (i.e.: relationships, friends, romances, work, finances and home). It’s worth the time and thought you put into establishing these criteria because you’ll then know the specific goals (targets) and parameters (gauges) to guide your life.
But let’s be specific and focus only on relationships for now. Let’s say that a healthy lifestyle is on your list of deal-maker behaviors for your life partnership.
So you meet someone who has the looks and charm of Brad Pitt, the intelligence of Albert Einstein, the spirituality of Gandhi, and the money of Bill Gates, but he drinks excessively and has no desire to do any physical exercise.
In spite of all these attractive qualities, if you’ve carefully considered and compiled your deal-maker list, you’d never get involved, because that one crucial deal-maker of yours is unmet. When you know what these essentials are, and you make sure they’re fulfilled, you’ll find yourself feeling more satisfied in your relationships (and in all areas of your life).
It’s important for you to accept nothing less than these deal-makers, because these are absolute and non-negotiable boundaries.
And then there are the deal-breakers. These are the dynamics, characteristics and components which are absolutely not acceptable. Just like the deal-makers, there is no negotiation. You absolutely, positively will not accept these into your life under any circumstances EVER!
Let’s assume smoking is a deal-breaker. You meet an otherwise awesome guy who smokes, thus creating an automatic deal-breaker. No conversation, no negotiation, no second thoughts. You stick to your absolutes because you know what you absolutely have to have and what you absolutely will not accept.
If you don’t have a clear concept of what you absolutely, positively have to have in your relationships and what you’ll never ever accept in your relationships, you’ll most likely unnecessarily and destructively settle for less than what you really want, need, desire and deserve to have.
Without understanding and practicing this one dynamic, your relationships are likely to be doomed and you’re likely to miss out on a happy and fulfilled True Life.
Take the time to reflect on this and then write down your deal-makers and deal-breakers. Share your list with people you’re closet to (your inner circle) and ask them to help hold you accountable. Stick to your list and you’ll be well on your way to an amazing relationship…and an amazing life!
Contact Ken
ken@kendonaldson.com
727.394.7325
Special Offer: Receive a 25% discount on all of Ken’s services by mentioning the Safer Dates Blog Talk Radio Show.
Five Ways to Make Yourself Approachable
Ladies of the world, please realize that it takes a lot of guts to approach you. No guy wants to come across as a creepy lothario, so use one of these five gestures to let guys know you’re open to some flirtation.
By Married Jake
The great tragedy of the dating world is that the large population of guys who’d like to talk to a girl and the large population of women who are waiting to be talked to hardly ever meet each other…
As the old man of dating advice, I’d like to remind all you single ladies that as men, we are faced, often, with the simplest and yet most unsolvable of problems: if we approach a woman we don’t know, we’re the creepy pick-up artist who you’d like to escape from; if we don’t approach a woman we’ve never met, we are the wimpy guy who won’t take action.
That’s basically the internal dialogue going on in most men’s heads when they’re at a party or a bar and see someone they’d like to talk to. So we need to know that we’ve got a green light.
Here’s how to make it more likely that the guy will actually approach you (given that’s what you want)…
1. Uncross your arms
Nothing says ‘Do Not Enter’ like a pair of crossed arms. It makes a person seem suspicious, unhappy to be wherever she is, and likely to scold us.
2. Make a little unsubtle eye contact
Dude, enough with the fleeting glances. I can’t tell you how man times I’ve sat there talking to my friends about whether or not a woman gave a meaningful look or just happened to sweep over us with her gaze. You don’t have to look like a hungry cannibalistic zombie, but you should realize we like unambiguous signs.
3. Look bored
If you seem like you’re having the time of your life, we will be less likely to want to interrupt it.
4. Smile
Dorky and self-help 101 as it sounds, a smile makes someone way more approachable. It’s kind of the opposite of the crossed arms, as far as the advertisement you’re making to the world.
5. Don’t bring a guy as your wingman
It’s a temptation, since it makes a woman look less like she’s out looking to meet someone. But, you know, if you are out looking to meet someone, why try to hide it?
Source: lifestyle.msn.com
The Truth About Dating: The year of the cheaters
Too much emphasis placed on appearance
By Steve Penner
In a recent article published in USA Today, Todd Shackleford, a psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University, who has been studying infidelity for more than 20 years, states that people with low scores on personality tests that measure conscientiousness and high scores on openness to experience also are likely to cheat.
But Shackleford adds that especially for men, opportunity is also a major factor, as the temptation for successful guys with lots of money and whose careers cause them to travel away from home and who have women throwing themselves at them, will be far more likely to stray.
I am reminded of a comment that good old Samantha uttered on “Sex and the City,” “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their (privates), because they can.” But in this column, titled “The Truth about Dating,” I want to focus on another reason that men and women eventually cheat on their spouses. I am not merely talking about celebrities, but everyday people. That factor is the overemphasis that both sexes (but especially men) place on physical appearance when they start dating.
I have written this before, but I cannot emphasize this fact enough. Both at the dating service that I ran for 23 years and through subsequent coaching of singles who sign up forInternet dating sites, I have seen too many people place far too much emphasis on physical appearance.
Unfortunately, so many people who play the dating game minimize all other factors except appearance when looking to meet someone, supposedly for a “long-term” relationship. Yes, these people state that they are looking to meet someone with whom they can grow old. Yet what they are really looking for is someone they find very attractive today.
So they ignore personality characteristics, similar values, etc., and look for a person who at this point in their life just “knocks their socks off.” Subsequently, when they find such a person, they ignore everything else, and believe in their heart of hearts that they have finally found Mr. or Ms. Right. After all, that is what happens in the movies.
Many times I listened to feedback from guys after first dates raving about what a great “match” they had just met. What made her such a terrific match? “She was absolutely breathtaking,” they would exclaim. And what about her personality? “Yeah, it seemed OK.” I have written all of this before in many columns over the past 4½ years. I have written about men who get their dating clues from watching gorgeous women parade before them on television commercials or in Victoria Secret catalogs. Then there are women whose dating priorities began to evolve when they were little girls watching the handsome Prince Charming sweep away Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty in their favorite Disney animated feature.
I have written about men who refuse to date a woman because she weighs 10 pounds more than the ideal or women who reject a man because he is two inches shorter than her preference. I have also written about the fact that the infatuation phase of any relationship has a shelf life far shorter than the number of years it takes to grow old with somebody.
So what happens when the initial physical infatuation for such people wears off, whether it is weeks, months, or years after the wedding? If they still want to stay together, perhaps because of the children or for financial reasons, then their eyes will begin to wander …; and inevitably one or both will cheat.
I am not talking about all couples, but I am talking about those couples who based their initial relationship primarily on physical attraction. Any man who tells his dating service counselor to focus only on physical appearance when finding him matches (and I heard many men make that statement), is a guy very likely to cheat down the road.
The same holds true for a woman who skims through her online dating service matches just looking for her tall, dark, and handsome “Prince Charming.” As for Tiger Woods, all his life he probably lusted after beautiful, Scandinavian-looking blondes with classic beauty, and he eventually found one. His wife, the Swedish Elin Nordegren, is the personification of such a gorgeous woman.
Of course I would guess that many gorgeous women who, when young, used their beauty to snare wealthy, successful men may be the victims of a philandering hubby even more than “normal” looking women. It is likely that such men tended to overlook undesirable personality traits when they first wed, and when the infatuation period began to fade, these guys’ eyes began to wonder.
I have often heard the quip “show me a man who has been married to a beautiful blonde for many years, and I will show you a man who lusts after gorgeous brunettes.” (Although Tiger seems to stick with blondes.) I have no way of knowing how Tiger felt about Elin’s personality, her values, her interests, her political views, etc., when he first met her. But I would suspect he couldn’t care less the moment he set eyes on her. Elin fit the image that he was looking for, and for a perfectionist like Tiger that was probably all it took for him to eventually propose.
Yet supposedly he was cheating on her even before they were married!
So, show me a couple who claim it was “love at first sight,” and then got hitched just a few weeks or months later, and I will show you a husband and or wife likely to eventually cheat.
Are there exceptions? Of course. But I would suggest they are about as rare as a double bogey by Tiger Woods during the final round of the Masters.
Source: seacoastline.com
There are still some things that should not be done online
By Seth Liss
People seem to be doing everything online these days: shopping, banking, reading books, staying in touch with friends. But there are still some things that should not be done online. Ending a romantic relationship is one of them, especially when it is done on a public social network.
Yes, apparently this is something that happens enough to have earned its own term, “facebook breakup.” According to urbandictionary.com, it is the act of breaking up with someone by changing your relationship status on Facebook. A broken heart icon is then sent out to your network and a message stating you’re now single. That’s generally followed up by questions like “What happened?” and sympathetic comments like “Stay positive”.
It’s probably not the best way to end a relationship, but it’s fairly common for people in their 20s who don’t want to deal with the drama of breaking up in person.
Here’s how Facebook’s relationship status works: When you fill out your profile you can choose one of six statuses: single, in a relationship, engaged, married, it’s complicated, and in an open relationship. You are not required to choose any but most people choose single or married.
There are gray areas. People who are on and off may choose “it’s complicated.” And if you’re single and you start dating someone, at what point do you change your profile to “in a relationship”? It’s a waiting game and you probably don’t want to be the first to do this. But if you are, you’ll obviously want your partner to change their status.
A colleague here at the Sun Sentinel told me the relationship status issue caused enough drama in his life to make him delete his Facebook account for good.
Here are my recommendations on the best way to use the relationship status:
Don’t change your status unilaterally if you’re dating someone. Don’t even bring up the idea until you are in a serious relationship. That means about six months of dating. Then you can ask if your partner is ready to upgrade your status. It’s the new way of asking if you’re going steady.
Do the break up face-to-face — or at least over the phone — if it was serious enough for a status change. No one should be a victim of a Facebook breakup.
Hit the “Cancel Relationship,” button that allows you to change your status without alerting your friends. That way, you don’t have to deal with all of the questions. (If it is not a friendly breakup, my cousin Ben suggests running home to be the first to change your status.)
Unfriend the person once you’re broken up and remove photos of the two of you together. Even if you decide to be friends, you don’t need to see each other’s status updates or have your ex looking through your photos and wall posts. You can always re-friend after you have both moved on.
Being sensitive on Facebook pays off in the long-term. It may help you find a better match. It’s safer, too. It’s hard to forget the story of the widely reported Facebook break up that led to murder: Sarah Richardson, of Great Britain, was killed by husband Edward Richardson after she had changed her Facebook status to “single.” It’s an extreme example, but it shows the how painful a breakup can be for people on the other side of a Facebook breakup.
Source: sun-sentinel.com
