Trapped in The Friend Zone

By Jessica Walker

One of our readers asked how he could avoid being “The Friend” and start being “The Boyfriend.” Well, I have to confess that I’ve used the “friend” line a time or two or three. I’ve even had that line used on me at the end of a relationship. So, I took a couple days to think back on my past relationships, trying to come up with ways that I could have avoided that situation. I researched advice articles posted by men on how to avoid The Friend Zone or The Friend Trap. These articles advise men to play hard to get instead of being so forth coming. I kind of agree with that because I personally like a challenge. But if that approach does not come natural to you already then you may come off looking like a jerk and end up ruining everything by trying to be someone you’re not. In the end your so called “friend” qualities will surface.

So after days of racking my brain, and for a blonde that seems like a lifetime, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s flat out unavoidable. Here’s why. Every time I used that line it was because I was not sexually attracted to the person. But, I did enjoy their company otherwise I would have told them it was over and that was it. Which I recall saying that as well on a couple occasions. It is near impossible to be sexually attractive to everyone you date. That’s what dating is all about; you win some you lose some. Sometimes people get it right on the first try but for the rest of us it takes time to find the right person. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Let’s look at it from another angle. If that person wants to truly be your friend than you both may be better off that way. One of my best friends in the whole world is a guy who I told that I just wanted to be friends. And you know what his reply was to that… I’ll never forget it, “I’d rather be your friend then not have you in my life.” It actually worked out to our advantage because all through high school and college we called each other when we had questions about our partners. Now does that guy sound like he was trapped? I’ll let you decide.

As for the others I supposedly trapped in The Friend Zone, I’ve bumped into them on Facebook and they are all happily married with kids. I’d say they escaped the trap as well.

My advice to the reader that posted the question and to everyone else is stop trying to avoid it and just keep dating; have fun and most of all be yourself at all times. You will eventually find that special someone and in the meantime you may also be so lucky as to find your very own phone a friend. My wish for you all is that you find a friend like I have, because we have happily spent 15 years trapped in The Friend Zone.

~ Jessica