Sex in relationships

Matt Mosher, Life Editor

Sex is arguably the most physically satisfying part of any relationship. But with sex comes great responsibility.

It is also important to understand what type of relationship the couple is part of, be it a one night stand, friends with benefits or a genuine attempt at a working relationship.

“A healthy relationship is, at its core, where two people are authentically themselves with one another, giving and receiving respect for who they are,” said Jane Fischer, Director of SBI health education.

Fischer said the amount of sex in a relationship depends on the comfort of both people involved and that neither partner should be pressured, forced, or coerced into doing anything with which they feel uncomfortable.

“People have needs, but sometimes those needs are different,” Fischer said. “If two people care about each other at the core – without sex… open, honest conversation can happen… the key is honest, respectful communication – expressing needs, wishes, fears, etc. If one partner is having more or less sex than they would like, they need to express that [and] the other partner needs to truly hear the other, and base their decisions on their own comfort, as well as the comfort of their partner.”

Mary Jo Fay, the author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, a new book about sex in relationships said in an article on webmd.com that couples should sometimes try to plan ahead for sex. Adding, “when sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation.”

Fay says that mixing things up a bit can increase your sexual enjoyment as well. Partners can try “doing it” in a kitchen, a classroom or even try it while standing up.

“Sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy,” Fay said in the article.

For partners feeling uncomfortable talking about the dirty deeds, SBI offices have trained student and professional staff who meet one-on-one with students, or meet with them as a couple, to talk about how to communicate respectfully, honestly, and how to listen to one another, according to Fischer.

“If a couple has had sex once, it doesn’t mean that either partner should feel compelled to have sex again,” Fischer said. “This needs to be spelled out at the beginning, and throughout the relationship – a sort of ‘checking in.’ One person may think, ‘Since I haven’t said I want this to be an exclusive, romantic relationship, then he/she knows its not.’ The other, at the same time may think, ‘I haven’t said that I want this to be a casual, no-strings-attached relationship, so he/she knows its not.’”

She added that having sex too early can have different meanings and depends on what each partner expects and needs to get out of the relationship, and what they expect and need to put in to the relationship.

SBI also offers workshops on healthy relationships, Fischer said. They’re interactive, they can be fun, and they allow people to ask frank questions, and hear real responses. Anyone who would like to learn more can contact SBI at healthed@buffalo.edu or call 829-2584.

“Sex should not be the core of the relationship – respect is,” Fischer said.

Source: The Spectrum, The Independent Student Newspaper Of The University At Buffalo